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  • Writer's pictureKira Abelardo


Here is my – Whatever...

I've been really anxious lately. A million things on my To-Do list. Middle of the night deep thoughts and restlessness. Lots of CBD to calm those nerves.

I'm not one to reveal anything, I keep it all locked up. Even my family and friends are like, Kira what are you up to?? I go to post or write or look through photos to share and queue them up, but never pull the trigger. To be frank, it terrifies me, which is silly. I am my worst critic – I know that.

So – Hi, Hello. Here I am. It's Kira.

After spending most of my summer injured, recovering, then being injured again, I felt behind and racing to catch up. [But TBH does anyone ever really catch up though??] In a way, being injured gave me the break I needed to realize I had to refocus. This gave me the fuel to push forward and break out of my typical cycle.

I'm feeling inspired by so many artists out there, but also feeling like I'm a step behind in everything. There is so much I want to create and know I can do it, but it's so much pressure sometimes. What if I gather a whole crew, then fail at the final results? I will disappoint so many people – models, stylists, hair and makeup artists, etc. Everyone puts in so much hard work but I am the one who has to deliver the final project.

I know that doing more means more experience, giving way to more knowledge and confidence.

Seeing other artists' work is amazing and scary. Lately, I've been so out of my comfort zone. Instead of just admiring from afar and dreaming, I've been trying to connect. This community is so rich in talent. When I look at other people's work, I think, Wow they are amazing and so professional, no wonder they get so much work and why would they ever want to work with me? I feel discouraged most of the time, knowing my own potential, but not being able to have things come to fruition.

With all of the cold messages I've been sending out, I write, then re-read over and over again. That insecurity sets in and sometimes I don't push send for a few hours because what if they don't like me? With each 'send' I whisper "Whatever". This is my way of telling myself, we're all human, go for what you want and the worst thing they could say is no.

I've been Whatever-ing a whole bunch and have gotten a pretty great response!

I'm learning so much lately and you have to reach out and grow and feel uncomfy to reach your goals. I've started taking my destiny in my own hands.

I'm so grateful for the kindness in the community. I know it's competitive out there, but getting to know just a handful of talented people who are just striving for the same connection and success makes me feel humble.

Even posting this makes my heart jump.

But you know what? Whatever!

This shoot was comprised of a badass lady crew that helped me strive towards dreams!

Thank you babes so much for your generosity, kindness and beautiful souls <3

Stylist: Kiri Morken

Special thanks to Katie at Bazar Space for loaning us some beautiful pieces to play with; The delicious gold necklace from Balefire Goods by Oblik Atelier; Custom floral jumpsuit by Rachel Marie Hurst; Natalie from NXT|Model for helping coordinate these babes to photograph!

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